Stay Strong! It gets better, you've earned an Angel! :)
Hi everybody, this blog is intended to touch, move, and inspire those who have lost a sibling, child, parent, best friend, relative, or anybody close; the inspirational stories are from those who have lost a loved one and now have an inspiring story to tell. Ordinarily happy families are affected every day and suffer without hope, guidance, or inspiration due to the loss of a loved one. Families and individuals suffering deserve some support and happiness in their life, especially during these trivial times. These folks will continue to suffer and some will resort to violence, depression, gangs, drugs, ect. We need to show that the loss of a loved one can actually be turned into inspiration, motivation, leadership, respect, and projects that help tremendous amounts of people all over the world. The goal is to create a book of your inspiring stories as well as my own and my own personal loved ones stories. Here's my story:
Name: Calvin Harvey Tom
Age: 27 (80's baby)
Home Town: San Diego, Ca. Clairemont
Current City: San Diego, Ca. Mira Mesa
Hobbies: Motorcycles, Quads (ATV's), Off-Roading, Surfing, Snow-Boarding, Skating, anything out-doors, a nice smoke.
Occupation: Owner of Fin 2 Swim (www.Fin2Swim.com) and Fin 2 Bounce
The Story:
I was 6 years old in first grade and I remember being called out of my classroom to find out my little sister Katalina "Winkie" Kylee Heather Tom passed away. Winkie was born with heart complications, as well as Down's syndrome, digestive issues, and a whole list of other complications. She spent more then half of her life in the hospital, it was rare she that she was actually home. I remember not being able to sleep at night because my sisters room was like a Dr's office, it had every machine imaginable that made noise all throughout the night. She even had the one that beeps when the patient attached to it would "flat-line" if they stopped breathing; that beep would constantly wake me up because Winkie would pull the cords out of the machine....talk about scary!! I remember the last time I saw my little sister was in the hospital the night before she passed away, I was holding her and we were staring out the window gazing out at the night sky as our parents were speaking with the Dr, as they carried on their conversation I see Winkie point to something out the window, I look to see a HUGE green orb of mist in the sky, I called to my parents and the Dr to ask what it was, I still to this day have never seen anything like it!! Their reply to my question was "What? We don't see anything..?" Winkie continued to point at it as we stood there in shock/confusion/amazement...to this day I cannot be certain what it was, but the next morning is when my little sister Katalina passed away...I like to believe it was her angel coming to take her home. She was 3 months shy of turning 2 years old, her poor little heart could not keep up anymore and she passed away due to heart complications. As if this isn't intense enough, my grandma (my moms mom) who was a main support in helping our family (and the one who hooked me up and spoiled me rotten) passed away in the same month as my sister...I don't know how my parents held up!?!
How did this make you feel?:
For the longest time I didn't even know how to feel...I remember walking around my sisters funeral seeing all the adults crying and mourning, it was the strangest thing as a 6 year old to see almost every adult I knew crying....and all at the same time! That's what babies do! (Said my 6 year old mind). On one hand I had people telling me "it will all be ok, your sister is in Heaven and will always be watching over you". Then on the other hand I had people saying "Oh my gosh, that is so sad, shes gone, I'm so sorry, how do you go on?" As I walked up to the casket I see my sister laying in it, cold, lifeless, yet looking completely at ease...for once, she looked relaxed. She didn't have needles in her arms, tubes in her nose, oxygen tanks around her, no scary, noisy machines connected to her...she was at peace...I stood there feeling empty, relieved, sad, confused, and scared. I felt like my childhood was OVER.
How did that make you act?:
After Winkie passed away I remember walking around school just watching and observing other kids play and have fun; and thinking "man, these kids don't even understand WHY they are having fun, they don't even realize that there is such a thing as death, sorrow, suffering, a deeper root of anger, there is more to life then just playing school-yard games ."At that point I checked-out of life completely, school wasn't important, grades were just a letter on a piece of paper, playing games with other kids wasn't important, doing kid things wasn't applicable to me anymore, I didn't really speak to any other kids for about a full year, nothing mattered to me anymore.
Once I broke out of my shell I then began too look up to gangsters at my school. They had the coolest clothes, the hottest girls, cool weapons, nice bikes, cool hair styles, cool ways of speaking, respect; just everything about it was cool, and I wanted that! That's the first place I had felt comfortable in a long time.
What was the outcome of that?:
I was a good kid but had turned into a little bit of a bad influence for some of my friends. I was around guns, drugs, car-jackings and gangs in the 4th grade. I was put in a lot of bad situations that I am lucky to have made it through. I have been in fights, been shot at, almost been shot by the police, I have friends who have been shot, stabbed, raped, murdered. Also friends who were the victims of police brutality.
As I grew up there would be months and years where some of my closest friends would be locked up in jail, it was so lonely without my boys! I ended up getting my house raided by the SWAT Team because the people I was hanging around were up to no good and I was a suspect in a murder case (that I had absolutely nothing to do with). They came up empty handed, but the shame I brought upon myself and to my family was horrendous....how does a 17 year old explain to his family that he's a suspect in a murder case? And that "I had nothing to do with it"....yet more then 6 agents bust into my house with assault riffles and awaken us.
When I turned 20, two of my best friends were murdered several months apart from each other. At this point is when I really realized I had some growing up and reevaluating of my life to do!
What was the lesson you/your family took from the whole experience and why are you better now for having gone through this experience?:
After surviving all these experiences, going through all the hard times, enduring the hardships of an adult as a child, it all ultimately brought our family closer; it taught us to appreciate one and other. No matter how innocent or young you are, life is limited. My family is blessed to have had my healthy, handsome, courageous, hilarious little brother Alrik who I call "Chimps", he was born two years after my little sister passed. He is now 19 years old and has a very bright future ahead of him! I love the kid more then anything!!
We are all better for having gone through these tough times, it taught us the value of life. Because of this it inspired my mom "Judo" and I to create a swim school designed with the focus of survival swimming for infants and young children (as well as help people of any age, young to elderly,overcome their fear of the water and leave them with valuable {fun} life saving skills!) This allows our infants to be empowered by having life saving skills before they are even able to speak! It's miraculous!! We have been fortunate enough to have multiple children fall into the water, come up for air, float, breathe, maintain breath control then (if the child is able to walk) swim to the edge of the pool, seeing them be able to save their own life's based off of what we had taught them with the specialized swim techniques we teach is very rewarding! I can hardly even call it a "job"! Chimps has also been trained to teach these skills, though he is currently working and going to college! Our dad "FatherBird", is a Union Representative and saves thousands of people's jobs who have been treated poorly at their work place. He is also starting a healthy eating/lifestyle Internet book to promote living a healthy lifestyle.
I could go on forever about how awesome my family is! Although it wasn't always so happy-go-lucky...I grew up poor along with my parents for a while, we went from being worried about a meal and staying alive, to helping others. Once we started helping others is when everything else started falling into place! We are blessed to be able to share and help our communities and people around us! Our hardships began to turn into lessons on how to help others!
Inspiring words for others dealing with this situation:
Keep looking forward! You never know what's going to come your way! Do not dwell on the past. I had gone through thoughts of suicide, been through major depression, and thought I could not make it any further in life, for a long time I believed I wouldn't even live to see the age of 21!! I proved myself wrong and now I'm actually doing GOOD in and for my community! I save lives, provide fun in my community, and I am able to understand those who are often judged and written-off right off the bat. Due to the struggle I am able to understand a whole array of people from drug users, gangsters, cops, nerds, business minded people, ect. Your struggles are what keep you going, embrace it, keep your head up, and like my parents taught me, do everything life has to offer! Always stay learning! My favorite quote "if you're not teaching, you should be learning...if you're not learning you should be teaching, although teaching still involves learning" it's going to be a bumpy road, but like they say "bad roads bring good people" this applies to off-roading as well life! I now live a very happy and fulfilled life that I wake up every day excited to start my day! Love yourself, and love your family and friends! You ARE special, you DO have an opinion, you DO have a voice worthy of hearing, you ARE beautiful, be yourself and spread the love!!
Final Thoughts:
For me, books, counseling, therapy...never helped. It made me feel like I had a problem and that something was wrong with me....really there was nothing wrong with me! I was just a 6 year old kid going through mourning and believing I was taking on the life of an adult...what really helped was being loved and being able to love others (even when I didn't see it)...staying social is one of the greatest things you can do when going through a time of grief, some are uninformed and may accidentally bring you down with certain words but really they mean well (they just haven't gone through what you've gone through and are trying their best!) that's totally fine, they are perfect they way they are, accept it and accept them, most importantly you are perfect how you are!!! Find your inner child's spirit and bring that to the table, your pure enthusiasm goes a long way!! And it's motivating!
I would like to thank all my awesome family and friends for your endless love and support, those close to me who have passed for teaching me the true value of life, and those who never believed in me, it only motivated me! Also a special thank you to Landmark Education, you guys helped my family and all my relationships tremendously, I recommend everybody check out their education, it's one of the best things anyone can do for themselves, their friends, coworkers, community, spouses, and family members!
R.I.P.
Katalina "Winkie" Kylee Heather Tom
Grandma Taylor
Aunt Kareen
Dorothy Haywood (my 2nd mom)
John-John "Okay USA" O'day
Pablo "Spidy, Puves, OG Spider" Tafolla
Nia Coleman
Warner "Money" Prenters
Uncle Hoybach
Great grand parents
Terrell "Big Booty" Blake
Scott "the big white guy"
Manny Alvarez
And to those I didn't mention
Thank you for taking the time to read my story, I will be posting more stories as they come, I also want to hear your your inspiring stories! Lets all make a difference together! Please post or email me at Forwinkie@gmail.com. Please send your story under the context of:
Name:
Age:
Home town:
Current city:
Hobbies:
Occupation:
1.) The Story:
2.) How did that make you feel?:
3.) How did it make you act?:
4.) What was the outcome of that?:
5.) What was the lesson you/your family took from the whole experience and why are you better now for having gone through this experience?:
6.) Inspiring words for others dealing with this situation:
7.) Final thoughts:
Send all stories to ForWinkie@gmai.com thanks! :)
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