Gained An Angel_Keri Tom

Name: Keri Tom

Age: 45

Home Town/Current city: Born and raised in San Diego, Ca. Currently I divide my time between San Diego and New York.

Hobbies: Traveling, hiking, swimming, knitting, sewing, reading, anything handy or crafty, game for anything! :)

The Story:

 Our Daughter Katalina "Winkie" was born with a host of medical issues: A heart that was not designed to pump oxygenated blood throughout her body, as well as various intestinal and other issues. She had multiple surgeries throughout her young life; about 50% of her life was spent in the hospital, either recovering from surgery or lying in an oxygen tent because the O2 tanks we had at home for her were not powerful enough. She had Down's Syndrome; about 60% of Down's children have some type of a heart problem, most require a 1-time surgery and the child is fine. Winkie, However, had a heart that was about 25% functional. At her birth, the doctors told us she should be quietly left to die, and that we were in for years of hard work to care for her - assuming she survives her 1st round of surgeries at 1 day old. Indignant and horrified at what the doctors proposed, we chose to fight for her. 

A few weeks before she died, my mom became very ill. Our family was very close with my mom, she was a huge source of comfort, support, and help. She loved Winkie and her older brother Calvin (6 at the time) very much. As a medical professional, she admitted herself to the hospital, where it was discovered that she had a very large, melasticized tumor in her stomach. While she was in the hospital, my aunt died. My mom died the following day. Winkie died a few weeks after that.

How did it make you feel?:

Having to grieve for 3 people at once was not easy. I was 24 at the time, married, with our oldest son, my husband, a full time job and full time school with one car. For the 1st year I can look back and say I was definitely in shock; I had to write down even the simplest of chores or it just wouldn't happen. Things like: brush my teeth, go to bed, pick up Calvin from school and take him to soccer practice, etc. I was on auto-pilot and couldn't focus on much outside of the lists I would make each day.

I knew I had a huge responsibility to the rest of my family, and to try to make as "normal" of a family as possible for our son.

I also felt absolutely and completely ALONE. Even though I had my husband and my mom as my usual source of support, my mom was now gone and my husband was grieving also. We went through all the stages of grief in the same order, only I was ahead of him so it seemed like we were not even on the same page. 

I felt almost betrayed, he's experienced the same things I have, how come he doesn't understand!? All the various support groups I attended never had anyone who was also dealt the trifecta; everyone else's kids only had a minor (survivable) surgery and they were crying like crazy over what I saw as the simplest, most minor thing. I quit going because no one there could ever understand either. It was very frustrating. My husband and I fought a lot. Even though I knew there were people out there who had had much worse things happen to them, I never came across anyone who could truly know what it feels like to lose my aunt, my mom and my daughter all in one shot.

How did it make you act?:

For the 1st year or so it was purely survival mode. I would keep thinking: OK, all I have to do is just LIVE for the next 15 minutes. I can do that, it's just 15 minutes. Then another 15 minutes. Then I have to study. Then another 15 minutes, etc.

After the shock eventually wore off, I became rather bitter. During that time, my friends would say things like: "I don't know how you do it!" What was I supposed to do, kill myself? Out of the question. Not fair to my son or husband. Or: "I don't think I could handle it" yeah, thanks, I'm not really handling it all that well myself but you'll never get it so I won't bother explaining. Or my "favorite.": "At least you have another child" and "at least you can still have other children". There is no faster way to trivialize EVERYTHING I just went through than to say either of those statements. Was her life worth nothing? Because that is what you are saying. As much as I love my other children no one can replace the one who died. Nor should they.

After things calmed down a bit, friends would come to me with problems but I found myself unable to relate or understand that their problems are actual problems for them, and they are distressed and asking for my help and support. Their problems were always colored by the lenses of my daughters death; I would say: that's not really a problem, get over it already, you're choosing your misery. A least you haven't been through what I'VE been through - come to me when you have a REAL problem. I said all this while not realizing I was choosing to be miserable myself! 

It took me a long time to realize that people don't have to go through the exact same thing I did in order for them to be bothered by issues in their lives. It may be a different scale but it weighs just as heavy on their minds. It was by no means complete; I was more able to sympathize with people but I had no empathy. I alienated many people under the guise of: "they're too stupid to hang around with me" or "I'm not tolerating any of his/her bullshit." All of this served to reinforce what I felt at my core, for as long as I can remember: that I AM alone, I am independent, and even though I love my family dearly, there is only just ME when it all boiled down, and I can and will do everything myself. Also not a very healthy way to live.

What was the outcome of that?:

The outcome...the feeling of being alone came at me and I was reinforced on all sides; I was the 1st of my kind to marry into a pure-blood family, and at such a young age. I studied child development and aviation in school; there were very few people in their early 20's who were home owners, ran their own businesses from home or who were female pilots. My swimming business was also unusual. There are less than 500 people world-wide who do what I do. I thought all these were circumstances thrust upon me that I had no control of; certainly I had no control over my daughter's physical condition but I realize now that I was the one who decided which courses to take at school, etc. the outcome was: I am able to do anything and everything, I have a wide variety of interests and capabilities. I am finally now coming to a point where I can say that I can really empathize with people now, care truly about their humanity and everything that it encompasses: their quirks, foibles, bad moods, joyful ness, etc. The outcome is yes, I have been through very unusual circumstances my whole life; I like what is unusual, different and unique. But I can understand how others arrive at the point they are at, based on THEIR circumstances, etc., and not be judgmental about what works for them. 

I feel I HAD to go through what I did in order to make me stronger and to prepare me for whatever comes up next, :) especially since my youngest son was quite a handful as a toddler. :) 

What was the lesson you/your family took from the whole experience and why are you better now for having gone through this experience?: 

We are NOT humans having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. I know that I am alive now to have as many experiences I can, to learn every lesson I need to learn; some tragic, some joyful, some stressful, some freeing. I welcome everything that comes my way and view it as an opportunity to learn something new, again! Yay! :) My favorite phrase and new "mission":comforting THR disturbed and disturbing the comfortable. :) Life is just a millisecond on the timeline - it sounds cliché but to love yourself, your family and friends is an amazing gift that needs to be appreciated every day! :) Having lost a child is one of the wort experiences one can go through, so they say. I can't attest to that because anything can be devastating to anybody (even though I'd rather not repeat the experience!) after losing both my sons several times over, I know that there is nothing I can do to control them or anything they do or anything that happens to them.

My "job" now and for the last 17 years revolves around healing families to avoid the pain of losing a child. My son and I run Fun 2 Swim, where we teach toddlers and young children water survival and safety skills, so they can save themselves from a drowning (the #1 cause of death for kids 5 and under!) Doing such proactive (vs. reactive) work is incredibly rewarding. Knowing that we have spared countless families from what we went through is incredible. :) 

I am better now because I realize that just because I need help , it doesn't mean I'm helpless. I can ask for help and actually accept it, I don't have to do everything myself, it's not really practical, either.i am better now because I have the best family anyone could ever ask for, a supportive husband and the 2 most awesome sons that ever lived :) My oldest son and I run our swim school and help empower and educate children and their families to do great things! :) I am better now because I have the basics covered -food, shelter and clothing, as well as too many extras and bonuses to mention. I appreciate everything -yes, even the bad tuff, because it an opportunity to grow and improve not only my life but the lives of my family and those in my community and the rest of the world. :)

Inspiring words for those dealing with this situation:

I understand what you're going through! I feel your stress, your pain.while it may be one of the most horrible things you're going through, please know that it is TEMPORARY. I didn't become Miss Mary Sunshine out of no where. It does take time to process and heal. Let it flow how it comes, don't fight it. Don't fight yourself, your spouse, and your family. There actually ARE people out there who know, who care, who empathize and understand. You can make it, one day at a time! You are stronger than you think you are; never underestimate that! :)

Gained An Angel_Sarah Marie D. Herron

Name: Sarah Marie (D.) Herron 

Age: 25 years on earths time 

Home Town: Mira Mesa, San Diego

Current City: Dallas/Fort Worth, Cleburne, Texas 

Hobbies: Hair, Makeup, Outdoors, Writing, Vlogging, Antiques, History, Living life the way I prefer.  Occupation: Mother, Sister, Daughter, Friend, Wife. 

[The Story]:

 The cocoon and from then on:

 I can't say my first experience with death was anything life changing. More inspirational if anything. First time I've ever experienced death I had no idea as to what it meant. My great grandmother I knew was old in age but I was too young to ever really get the chance to even know her on a personal level. Sometimes I thought maybe it was because I was adopted so maybe that's why I wasn't so close to a lot of my family. I remember my mom finding out . My family has never really..well ever shown much emotion now that I think about it. And to this day that's one thing people argue with me about not having. It can be handy though at times. Anyways to this day I still don't truly understand why it made me want to be involved more with history hunting. ha. Maybe off subject but I really believe this is what did it. To grow up in such a huge family, and one that was and still is full of weird for no reasons yet sure there has got to reasons for big family secrets right? My great grandmother I suppose was the last one to truly know or allow others to know the family secrets. And really I still don't know what having these family secrets completely are or really have meaning for being a secret in the first place. I guess I might never really know. 

[For the funeral] I wore a black dress , mind you I was young and in my tomboy stage, this was not my cup of tea to dress unlike me. I remember complaining having to wear it and arguing with my parents who only wanted to get there on time. When finally showing up I bitched about it being hot out. I ended up throwing a tantrum thanks to my older brothers picking on me . I remember the fact that a family member had died and I could focus only on how itchy the grass was outside, or how my dad wouldn't let me have dessert later I'm sure. I just wanted to go sit in the car and turn on the radio.  It was finally time to take turns to go one by one and pay condolences or just get that last peek at a body just for one last glimpse. For me it was "I finally get to see what a body looks like dead!" and then thought back how I couldn't dare step forward and go near anything dead. Again another hissy fit being a kid. Getting looks from your family members as if your a horrible kid for causing a regular tantrum. BOO! lol gotta love being a child .These same "grownups",... my elders, the family members who I'm supposed to look up to and admire and love and should have known from the start. Yes the same ones who were standing on a hill caring more about where the money will go, who's having a party next at their house, and why does whomever have to provide the large dinner dish for the next holiday coming up, why can't someone else bring it geez~ ... blah blah blah... Family is rich in love in these end of life moments. I finally walked up took a breath. I even closed my eyes at first as if a clown in a jack in a box were to pop out at me at any second i squinched my fists so tight to get it together. Then i looked. I took a peek! I left a flower beside and looked once more. She was pale. She wasn't breathing. She looked so cold. Yet just fast asleep. she wore a little cute dress that any older woman would wear but she did it so nicely that, death, it was nothing I imagined. No rotting corpse no Jack-o-lanterns or bats, or skeletons that scare you into your own grave as well. I wish she smiled. Yes I critiqued the way her body laid and I couldn't stand it. No smile. No warmth. I backed up and looked under the coffin door real quick before anyone saw me just to see if they even put her legs in there! Yep all there and intact, but purple ... pale.. But innocent, lifeless. I remember I walked away and sat on a bench near my brothers and cousins. Who then walked away from me because I started to cry. I had no idea why I cried. Like I said I had no concept of death. All I could think of was why.... how.. could a family who is about to put someone under the ground, instead was outside, a family , instead either outside smoking cigarettes, asking about game posts, and best beer brands, holiday arrangements, who was the better grandchild, who was raising their children wrong, and who gets the money. No asking about her. I thought this was her big day . Where are all the balloons and cake and candles to celebrate the leaving of this world and moving to perhaps somewhere even better? I was lost for sure. I guess this is what made me just move on with it all.. But to this day I still want to know more. I'm always wondering why. 

 Years later in my teens my Nana passed. I ended up crying like the first time. My older brothers and cousins and boyfriend at time even laughed cold heartedly at my expression . They even asked why I cared? It wasn't like I even really knew her right? I wish I knew her. Every holiday at my Nana's house I always tried to have conversations with her. I loved the way she talked " Hey darlin' Sarah Marie" all southern accent and everything. She smoked long Virginia Slims, I loved the way she smelled. hahah She said dammit and Bitch and ass and was never afraid to speak her mind. She introduced me to old movies . She got me head over heels for Elvis after hearing the stories of her being a chauffeur to him when she was younger in her 20's! The records signed by him that she would have given to me if my uncle had not lost them during his home move. (Who knows if that was true about "losing them" lol) Her old antiques all over the house, the way she made coffee! Which was the only way I could even get a chance to somewhat know her was to ask for a cup of coffee from her in order to sit at the "grownups table" lol and not the low to the floor kiddie one and by this time be at least 15 years old and still not be allowed to sit with the grownups . HA! I figured my way in . Thank you caffeine! HAHHA! I think she provided me with one of the greatest answers to life as well as a quote to always live and remember by... "BOYS ARE STUPID"! I had just had back surgery and in a wheelchair when I was about 13 . One of my older brothers thought it was be hilarious to push me up the hospital's McDonald's jungle gyms in the wheelchair then run away and leave me there. Ha - Ha _ Ha oh boy was I laughing.... my brothers mind you were cruel but they really are awesome brothers lol. My mom and nana came to then "wheel" me back down hahha She( my nana) knelt down and that's when she told me the world's best advice ever: "Sarah, I'm going to tell you something very important.... BOYS ARE STUUUUUPIIIIDD" . I think that saying can really fit all humans in general. But then again that's my opinion, lol. Her funeral was large. White doves were flown through the air. You are the wind beneath my wings. Family members bitter, arguing over money, property, what was owed... Family at its beginning stage being separated at this very moment but no one wanted to even think about the day after this day of who will be the one to start the fighting and loss of communication just yet. Not this day. No. This day was too beautiful outside to show any sign of truth with emotion just yet. Lunch was good. Dinner was quiet. I wanted to know why... 

Later in my life my older cousin had committed what could have been accidental suicide or not. At this time my family had an unfortunate communication fallout with some other family of ours. I still don't get all the reasons for it but I guess it's not my place to know or get the reasons for it ? Moving along... He had some disabilities . He was always so funny I loved hanging with him even though I saw him only not even a handful of times. Age difference even though we were family. I know it was was a hard thing for my family, but more so a surprise . I didn't get to go to his funeral. As at this time in life, like I mentioned, family was not so close anymore. I miss the family being closer. Like I said , I never really had too much of an experience with death. I was always told one day I'll understand. When you want to ask questions of why and how and "BUT!" but you don't want to be the reason things are brought back up again. Life continues if you allow it to. Clearly my family only wanted their moment heard . I guess I like history not only because this past year I was able to learn a lot of history on my family. I got to dig up some past and even finally learn some secrets. I think thats why I love history because you can always dig it up , well as much as there is to dig anyways, but you cant mess with it , you cant be the reason its all lost, you can keep it there and you can move on from it it learn from it remember it cherish it, and wonder why who how and any other question you have. And when your done with it you keep moving along. My only complaint is I wish i new more. I wish there was more.

 I'm adopted. I don't know my real parents . I know they had addictions. And I guess I just wasn't one of them. But I'm not calling them horrible people. I know things happen for reasons. Or at least thats what people say . I'll probably never know much about them. I found pictures recently but haven't said anything about them and the files for my adoption for the first time ever this summer. I've only ever had three small pictures my whole life of my real birth mother. You can't really see her face though. And somehow 2 of the the pictures are now lost. I can say I've never thought of me having another mother or father because I only have one and that's the one I have now - the mother and father who raised me, wanted me and kept me safe and are still by my side today. People always ask if I miss my "real parents". I can't exactly miss someone who I don't know.... I mean I guess I could put that thought so deep into my head and it could possibly make me miss them, but I'm sure it would be more of the idea of me missing something I never could have anyways. That would be incredibly silly wouldn't it?!  Just dreaming ? I wouldn't want that though anyways. I do wonder though. But I can't say that I miss or would prefer to have it had gone that way. Not have been adopted that is.  They say my birth father was a who- knows -who he was. My birth mother was heavily into drugs, and had basically lost her mind and way in life. I was adopted along with two of my birth siblings to this day . I was told somewhere out there my mother had more children. All by different fathers . No surprise with the info on my bio- mothers lifestyle. I live with two of my biological siblings. My little brother and sister. Which brings us this present day total to a family on the kids' side of 6 of us. Which includes 3 older brothers, not biological, and two biological. Somewhere out there we also have they say 4 older sisters whom I don't know, and maybe two other brothers. Which in my biological family total of children, only would be somewhere around 10-11 children. Crazy thought. But nothing more than a thought for me. My biological mother is who knows where now. She might of died. She was crazy when the state found me as a baby. She probably would have accidentally killed me if it wasn't for the curious person in the same building as her who thankfully noticed I was not in a good situation, I'm told. Bundled in blankets, face completely covered and all. How does a child breath? Being protected from the bad bad people and bugs,that my bio-mother had been seeing and yelling about during this. She was given two years to shape up while I was in the safe home,mof which I was fortunately raised by my mom and dad. She's probably dead. I think. Who knows... She might of died long ago. I have never wanted to meet her. I've always wanted to see what she looked like tho. I wish she was dead. Not that I wish death upon anyone nor do I have negativity towards her. I wish she were dead still though. I bet if she were dead I could probably find her better is what I meant. Such as her full name she goes by, where she lived, maybe surface a picture of her? And then move on from it all. And make it part of my history. To remember cherish and continue living my life. 

I could care less about the big old popularity groups. I loved to meet strangers . I loved being outgoing, and fun, and crazy. I'm not a person to get attached too long, because as much as a people person I am I can't stay long enough to continue many friendships. Not that I hate people but I guess I have to constantly keep things fresh for my own entertainment. Sue me. That's just me. I can say almost more than half the people I've known weren't because of a social group or big party. Most people I yelled my way into conversation. Or asked to dance with at random bus stops, or old people homes haha. Just for fun. lol

 I was in the front yard one day. I remember them [some kids] rollerblading down the street. What nerds haha! I grew up with older brothers who were big skate boarders. Who always told me was the only cool thing they said to do . I mean who truly thinks roller blading was a sport or talent or let alone cool? haha I didn't think so. At that time anyways, hahah. I had to know who they were just so I would stop wondering since I've seen these kids before. Nobody can be riding on my street of the Mecca [Mira Mesa] and me not know who it was! I mean of course, right? lol I remember introducing myself with a "don't trip!" line. They titled themselves as "honkeys" as if who wouldn't know who they were? lol Obviously they weren't as big of a deal as how they stated their title of being one. They came back later after informing me that there were more of them that were also honkeys. The only funny thing is that when these now, more than 8 weirdos came back in my yard only two of them were truly white hahah . I'll probably get the names wrong and I'm sure you can all correct me if thats truly necessary but here goes : "this is Hobbs but he has almost 6 other different names , thats Little Gay Kid, don't call him Nate, dammit! I'm sciNz,  not a cracker, and I sell houses on bennncchhheeeesssss, there's Jigga, Baby Boo, he be not black, we got two other guys ones a ninja, here's Hoooooooooccchhhiiiieeee, and PUUUBBBBEEESSSSSSSS now feeel his hairrrr!!!" I can't say if they did feel true to his name or not though. You could say right at that level tho? Ewwwww hahahha. I remember hearing when he died. I remember the last time I truly saw him. I remember him giving me the biggest hug ever. We took pictures at the pool. Weeks later my camera was stolen..... I wish I got to see those pics.... He was still Pablo or funny Pubes in my book. 

I remember him joking to us about how he was a gangster now. He said he stole something from a kid, that's why he was arrested and learned the gang life after going to jail. He promised as long as I would talk to him he wouldn't join a gang. I remember he called that jerk I was with and told him he's a loser that needs to leave already and that would be better  for me. He then told us his "amazing" new name he came up with. "Spider". He even asked if Spidey sounded better. I told him Spider was fine but Imma stick with Pablo . lol I couldn't believe how lame that was but went along with it. He was on the phone with his mom and sister on speaker, he was being such a jokester. That's how I remember him. He mentioned how the honkey group wasn't really around as much. He couldn't stop telling us about how he was going to start his new Mira Mesa gang but he was really into it . We started all three of us laughing at clouds talking about when we would die. He joked how he knew he wasn't going to live past 25. We started to walk home. I remember he grabbed me around the waist and kissed me. I never thought of him like that. I swore he was like another brother to me. He used to randomly by himself show up at my doorstep. We'd play Super Nintendo or climb my mom's tree, drink a beer or two... make fun of gangster wannabes. This was before he claimed the name Spider, I must add. I remember my mom gave him rope which I then tied on to him to keep his basketball shorts from falling off one day. He said he was a true honkey now. These days weren't secrets. Although no one knew we hung out. Our friendship was random. But that was it.. After he kissed me he told me if I walked back home instead to meet with "A" [my then-current boyfriend], I would be making a mistake instead of walking with him to make sure I was ok (mind you we were only around the block from my house)and mentioned if I couldn't see myself maybe with him or just anyone else other than A? Then we couldn't continue a friendship thanks to the fact that I was in a relationship already. My decision...? I pushed away... .. and smiled. He slowly walked away opposite direction but while facing me said, "Webster, you're beautiful and don't ever let nobody, no man, no nothing control what you do , if they really love you they will treat you how you should be treated and deserved. You don't forget that or the fact that I tried, Webster. I could protect you. . You stay safe but I cant help you no more... " then finished something in Spanish just one word, I don't remember what it was. The next few weeks, I learned what a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship on drugs, cheating and abuse was like... I think I lost many friends after that. It wasn't that I didn't want to listen to anyone, but that when you're young how many of you truly listened to really anything? lol. And I'm not trying to give excuses, but for once in your life try to remember being young . 

[Pablo and A. got in a fight.] I remember standing there screaming at the top of my lungs "Somebody stop them, this is stupid!" I grabbed at the back of both of their shirts, screaming to get them away from each other. I looked around and only saw the faces of people who didn't even really know either of them . I remember people shouting, "Get some blood on each other!" and throwing up gang signs. I remember his arms bleeding and my heart pounding out of my chest. I remember it happened so fast, a camera wouldn't have been able to capture it. I can remember people running off scared, and looking down at my white new shoes now covered in blood drips, and A grabbing my arm and telling me to run and just to keep on running until no one can see me. I looked back while running and saw Pablo staring at me he shook his head, he even said my name: "Sarah why?" Then he dropped his arm to his side and I saw his stomach bleeding and open along with his eye cut on the side. I remember the other gang now running after us, A and I yelling our name saying they'll find us. I can still remember the feeling of being hidden in between a wall near the Epicenter.... It was hard, pointy cold in a dark shadow. Sirens were loud. A had his hand over my mouth when random guys were closer yelling " They're over there, get that bitch!" I could barely breathe from running and shock. I wanted to scream again. I stayed as quiet as I could . Then I continued to run. My phone was about to die, I was shaking . A was next to me dripping blood out of his hand and arm, sliced. I was able to call my mom on my phone whispering, shaking, crying, " Mom, please come fast!" "What's wrong?" she said.  "PLease just come!" She was there in a instant. I was crying now, shaking, but there weren't many tears . Helicopters in the air. And sirens.... Being questioned on the steps in my home... I had no idea where A was. I was yelled at over and over by detectives and cops saying I was lying, they would arrest me if I kept lying. My detective uncle thankfully made the constant confusing people and thousands of questions in my face come to a stop. I can see myself on those stairs right now staring at my bloodied shoes, my mom wiping of a streak of blood running down my leg. Was he [Pablo] dead? A wasn't in my thought by this time. Who do I call for Pablo? How do I see if A is fine also? They won't let me touch my phone. My parents are scared and confused. I answer all that I could. My mom helping me to wipe the blood off. Even Frances and her boy at the time came to assure everything was alright. Keeping my thoughts in the right shape and not go crazy. 

My little brother at the time then got scared. He mentioned Pablo had just the other day allowed him to be jumped into his new Mira Mesa gang thang. My brother, moments later, kept getting house calls being threatened they would jump him. Myspace emails already being sent to us both of us being threatened by silly stupid Asian Mira Mesa gangs. He (my little brother at the time was only 13 maybe 14.They told him since I was his sister they would jump him. Fortunately a friend stopped this. And Pablo, weeks later, made it never possible to happen either to my brother. I'm thankful . I found out I was pregnant about a few weeks later. I was walking through the mall and saw Pablo once more. "You're done from me now and wish only bad to your new baby ". A was not apart of my life days after finding out I was pregnant. I understood if he hated me. I just couldn't understand why wish hate to a child not even born yet even? The thing is Spider's comment never made me cry or sad.... It was  Pablo's comment made me feel like the whole world had been turned upside down, it wasn't him. But how could it have been.... 

Going on stand [to testify] was scary. I was surprised hardly anyone was there. I couldn't believe no one was there with Pablo, at least not friends, that is. I got told to leave the stand after they ended up throwing me in circles of questions that even the judge agreed was only confusing me and not helping either sides case at this point . I left the room. They all came out. The attorneys said he threatened things, which ended up with them both at fault. I remember seeing him in the hallway. He looked at me and said he didn't want to fight with me . Months later I had already lost many people from talking by this time. I remember he messaged me. I wish I had kept it. He wrote saying he remembers our past but it had to be like this. And I knew this. No harsh words . And that was that. When they said he died I wish I knew more. Instead I had random people messaging me asking if A had something to do with it. People were calling me horrible names. I understood. I wanted people to be honest with how they felt with me. I had nothing though and neither did my past have anything to do with his unfortunate result of death. I think it sucks, he may have been in a bad spot bad time , maybe he put himself there by choosing his new lifestyle. I didn't really want to know. I honestly still don't completely know. I know I miss him though. I never got to go to his funeral . I remember it was a month and one day before to the day that my first child was born. I cried for who knows how long. I couldn't ask anyone really anything cuz I knew who I was to everyone in their eyes.. 

I remember sitting in the front yard about a year later with Frances and my neighbor Noel. We were talking about him and at that same moment, no wind in sight. No one else outside. The wind just stopped . And the wind chimes started chiming, no joke. . We were just saying goodbye one last time. Maybe it was him... Maybe not... Like I said I cant say Ive really dealt with death. I don't know many who have passed away. And I suppose I'm fortunate for that? 

I'm not religious. Nor do I believe in God. I'm not a hipster or cool kid, thinking that's cool to say either. I just don't have any thought on it for any reason at all. I do believe things just happen. I don't believe it's any certain person's time for death, I do believe that life must continue though in order to become something more. Not that a person's life makes life in general any less important though, but that in order to truly live life you have to move along not move on. You can be happy any day, but memories are a good foundation at what makes a person continue to have grown stronger and remember life as it was, not as it is . That might not make much sense and the best way I can explain would be complete layman's terms.... If you allowed history to become what it is... history ....then how will you ever allow things to change? Yes, history is repeated and just like death it will continue. You can change your day just by being positive. 

Death should not be something to be afraid of because in the end you will move along as well. Some may say they will go to heaven, some say hell, some say back home and some say in limbo, then there are some who stay put in nowhere and some believe this is us, dead now, and when we pass we will then wake up. I believe when it's my turn to die, I just want to be anywhere that allows me to smile. I don't regret ever not knowing my great grandmother. I don't regret not ever trying to truly know my nana. I don't regret how my relationships I made or even the ones I lost with certain friends. Or how I embarked on the greatest gift of life, my daughter, by myself along with my amazing support my family. I don't regret starting my new life, now in a completely different state, no familiar faces, no immediate family, still no friends. I don't regret getting married as young as I did for it has taught me just by making ooopsie-stakes along the way, this helped teach me to become a better mother and wife and daughter and friend. That you don't personally have to to believe but I myself believe that I now truly am. I know that I've made decisions both good and bad, in my own eyes, and I'm sure many others. I know I've chosen perhaps a harder path in my eyes and stupid nonetheless in most others' eyes. I know I've been both a good and bad friend but who hasn't.  Ive been a stubborn child and now a even more stubborn adult. I've given my parents and family a roller coaster life, but what family isn't on a roller coaster? I have tried my best to live my life and I will continue to live it and know I'm happy most when I can say that and it is still is my life. You may despise how I've lived. You might even talk to this day behind my back whether you've known me or not. I've learned that things move along but only if we can accept that. I've accepted things have happened in my life for worse and for better. I may not be happy today or tomorrow or I may be as happy as anyone could ever get. For me theres just no other way then to move along .

 When I cry I usually laugh. My first back surgery I laughed . During both pregnancies I couldn't stop laughing during labor. Each tattoo placed I laughed. My first breakup laughing. My marriage ceremony Laughed. I never mentioned that each of these times someone has dies I laughed while crying. I could never think death was funny. I just know that something/those people that either died, I've had the chance to meet, or anyone in general going through any sort of life experience, everything will be fine, I'll be fine, just keep moving along . (no Nemo references involved, I swear). Life is amazing for this very reason. You're alive. And just because someone has left you physically or even no longer breathing air, doesn't mean your life should now be forever down. Is it truly worth sitting around moping? Hiding from the world? I've lost friends but have gained closer ones that relate. I've gained happiness. Even when knowing those people still put me down. Knowing that that body laying still can no longer be with me. I'm not afraid of death because if death wasn't there, life would be not at all important. Anything that is there ( in life) must somehow have something amazing enough to be what it is, right? Death that is. Must be amazing.... Life however is most amazing of all. 

How did this make you feel?:

 I feel as I've always felt. Sarah. I'm smiling and laughing at this same moment as I type . 

How did that make you act?:

 Life choices made me angry, made me sad, made me happy. I acted as any other person would act if they had lived my life. See this is my life though so I'm sure after reading this many people will judge . And that's fine. Because only I can make the outcome be good. What was the outcome of that? I learned to grow up . I learned to grow up fast. I learned that you can't control how life goes but you can point yourself in the right direction if you want it to go that direction. 

What was the lesson you/your family took from the whole experience and why are you better now for having gone through this experience?: 

I learned that life will always throw you choices, aka obstacles, like you hear as child when given advice....., but you don't have to choose the one society claims is the right one to be. Inspiring words for others dealing with this situation: You'll be fine. Only if you want to be fine. But you have to allow yourself to do that and allowing yourself to make what you truly believe is right is always going to be the hardest decision to make. Live life around others that truly make you happy. If you have to question a choice for too long it just might be the wrong way. You're going to lose things in life and you may even gain more. But that's life, simply put. 

Final Thoughts: 

I wish people when they died could look like how they really were before taking their last breath..... I wish I could keep them that way.... the way they were before.... to be seen for their last time. I wish people minded more on their their own problems than ridiculing and gossiping on others for their own entertainment. I love social networking sites. People starting arguments day by day over silly comments. But again thats life. And its amazing And I love it!

 My final-final thought is that I've written too much and I probably have lost really anyone that read anything that I've just written. So I apologize if so. lol. I also hope when you die 7-11 in the dead world at least offers the free Slurpees on 7-11 day in the full size cup and not the sample size smaller than your hand for once. That would would be AMAZING :) And from the words of Nat King Cole and my favorite quoter Charlie Chaplin both creativity together:

 -------------------------------------------

 "You'll find that life is still worthwhile 

If you just smile ". :) - Charlie Chaplin , Nat king cole 

----------------------------------- 

R.I.P. to all that have had left this crazy little thing called life and have moved along. PS. I currently got the chance to move into and now live in a huge turn of the century home that was originally a boarding home and pecan plantation built in 1898 here in Texas. 

And guess who just invested in another ouija board!!!!!! ME! Time for some spirit hunting!!!! :) Yeehaw. 

I miss you Cali! I'll be back soon .  

-Sarah De La Torre Herron 

 

 

Gained an Angel_Sasha Marie Vigil

Name: Sasha Marie Vigil

Age: 26

Home town: Seattle, WA

Current city: La Mesa, CA

Hobbies: singing, writing, drawing

Occupation: Stay at home Mommy!

 

My Story:

 

For as long as I can remember, my Grandpa Henry has been the one person I turn to when I need to smile, when I need a hug (even if it's an over-the-phone-hug), a shoulder to cry on, or just an extremely good laugh. When I was a little girl, my mother was on her own with me, so she worked around the clock, 7 days a week. So whenever my mom was at work, I was with Grandpa Henry. I remember how I would be in the kitchen, or even upstairs visiting with his amazing neighbors.. (I say they were amazing because they gave me all the home-made Filipino snacks, baked goods, and candy a little girl could ever ask for.) I would be having a great time and I would hear my Grandpa yell "SHASHA MARIE!!!" over and OVER again.. and each and every time, I would run to him, thinking something was wrong. I would storm into the room, and say "What's wrong, Grandpa?!" And what did he need?? The television turned up because he couldn't hear it haha. I fell for it every time, but I loved doing it. I would laugh so hard knowing that was all he needed, and I really freaked out, AGAIN..haha.

 

When I was 10 years old, my Mom informed me that we were going to be moving to California. I was heart broken. My Grandpa made me swear to call him at least once a week to tell him how my studies were going. I kept up with my promise for a few years. But of course, as I got older, it wasn't the "cool" thing to do to be on the phone with my Grandpa instead of hanging out with my friends. Throughout my time in high school, I barely spoke to my Grandpa unless it was a special occasion. 

When I was 20 years old, I got pregnant with my first baby, and got married. When I found out that I was having a girl, I called my Grandpa (before I told anyone else) and told him the great news. He cried like a baby, and I will NEVER EVER forget what he said to me. He said "My Shasha..." (I'm pretty sure he's never said my name correctly lol) "I am so happy that you are going to be the one who gives me my first great-grand-baby. Thank you so much!" Those words come to mind every time I watch my daughter now do anything new.

 

When I was 24 years old, my poor Grandpa fell extremely ill. His liver and kidneys were failing. My mom was going back and forth from here in San Diego, to Seattle, WA every couple weeks. The doctors would tell her that he was stable, so she would come home, only to recieve another phone call a couple days after telling her she needed to come home, that my Grandpa would not have much longer. Unfortunately, I was in school full time, and I had my daughter, so I could not afford to take the time to go see my Grandpa during this time. I kept saying I would take a week off of school and just go spend some time with him. Finally, while my mom was in Washington, I got the call. She told me my Grandpa had passed. I literally FELL to the ground.

 

How did that make you feel?:

 

My heart had never hurt so much, or even in the way it did, in that moment. All I could think of was how much he wanted me there, and I didn't go. I was crushed, but at the same time, I was so relieved to know that my dear Grandpa was no longer in pain. I traveled up to Washington for his Viewing and Burrial. I really thought, as I was walking up to the funeral home, that I was going to be fine. But as soon as I saw him, I broke, and I felt as if I couldn't breathe.

 

How did this make you act?:

 

As soon as I returned back to San Diego, I started to try to see all of my friends and loved ones more, and I tried to stop being such a flaky person. I also took as much time with my daughter as I could, no longer finding a sitter every weekend. As cliche as it sounds, I got a reality check, and re-prioritized my life. I got back into working out, started going back to church, and took my daughter to the park atleast once a week.

 

What was the outcome of that?:

 

After I chose not to take life for granted anymore, my life felt like it all fell into place. I finally got myself a full-time job, I was with someone who actually treated me right (who is now my husband!) and I had my second child. Funny thing is, my son looks like my Grandpa, he acts like him, it's uncanny. Now I am the mother I always wanted to be, and the mother that my Grandpa always knew I would be.

 

What was the lesson you/your family took from the whole experience and why are you  better now for having gone through this experience?:

 

Losing my Grandpa didn't only teach me to appreciate life, and the loved ones God has blessed me with. It also taught me that I can't keep putting things off, no matter how big or small the task. It also taught me to cherish the family, blood related or not, that I am so lucky to have. I do believe I am a better, much more mature woman after losing him. Believe me, I would give almost anything to hug him again, but I am so thankful to him for the valuable lessons that I so desperately needed to learn.

 

Inspiring words for others dealing with this situation? Final thoughts?:

 

Losing someone you love is never ever easy. No matter if you talked everyday, or if it was just a couple times a year. I know the pain is unbearable at times, and it feels terrible when people tell you "time heals all wounds". As time goes by, you will miss them more and more, that will never go away. But knowing that you have someone watching over you and your loves, is priceless. That lost loved one will always be with you, so no matter your circumstances, you are NEVER alone in your pain. And in that same respect, you are NEVER alone in your triumphs. Reach out to others when you are in pain, don't ever hold any of it in. And when your loved ones are hurting, make sure to lend a shoulder to cry on as well. Love one another, never take anyone for granted.

 

Thank you for reading my story, and I pray that you keep smiling, and always stay blessed! 

Sincerely,

Sasha Marie Vigil

 

Gained An Angel

Stay Strong! It gets better, you've earned an Angel! :)

Hi everybody, this blog is intended to touch, move, and inspire those who have lost a sibling, child, parent, best friend, relative, or anybody close; the inspirational stories are from those who have lost a loved one and now have an inspiring story to tell. Ordinarily happy families are affected every day and suffer without hope, guidance, or inspiration due to the loss of a loved one. Families and individuals suffering deserve some support and happiness in their life, especially during these trivial times. These folks will continue to suffer and some will resort to violence, depression, gangs, drugs, ect. We need to show that the loss of a loved one can actually be turned into inspiration, motivation, leadership, respect, and projects that help tremendous amounts of people all over the world. The goal is to create a book of your inspiring stories as well as my own and my own personal loved ones stories. Here's my story:

Name: Calvin Harvey Tom

Age: 27 (80's baby)

Home Town: San Diego, Ca. Clairemont

Current City: San Diego, Ca. Mira Mesa

Hobbies: Motorcycles, Quads (ATV's), Off-Roading, Surfing, Snow-Boarding, Skating, anything out-doors, a nice smoke.

Occupation: Owner of Fin 2 Swim (www.Fin2Swim.com) and Fin 2 Bounce

The Story:

I was 6 years old in first grade and I remember being called out of my classroom to find out my little sister Katalina "Winkie" Kylee Heather Tom passed away. Winkie was born with heart complications, as well as Down's syndrome, digestive issues, and a whole list of other complications. She spent more then half of her life in the hospital, it was rare she that she was actually home. I remember not being able to sleep at night because my sisters room was like a Dr's office, it had every machine imaginable that made noise all throughout the night. She even had the one that beeps when the patient attached to it would "flat-line" if they stopped breathing; that beep would constantly wake me up because Winkie would pull the cords out of the machine....talk about scary!! I remember the last time I saw my little sister was in the hospital the night before she passed away, I was holding her and we were staring out the window gazing out at the night sky as our parents were speaking with the Dr, as they carried on their conversation I see Winkie point to something out the window, I look to see a HUGE green orb of mist in the sky, I called to my parents and the Dr to ask what it was, I still to this day have never seen anything like it!! Their reply to my question was "What? We don't see anything..?" Winkie continued to point at it as we stood there in shock/confusion/amazement...to this day I cannot be certain what it was, but the next morning is when my little sister Katalina passed away...I like to believe it was her angel coming to take her home. She was 3 months shy of turning 2 years old, her poor little heart could not keep up anymore and she passed away due to heart complications. As if this isn't intense enough, my grandma (my moms mom) who was a main support in helping our family (and the one who hooked me up and spoiled me rotten) passed away in the same month as my sister...I don't know how my parents held up!?!

How did this make you feel?:

For the longest time I didn't even know how to feel...I remember walking around my sisters funeral seeing all the adults crying and mourning, it was the strangest thing as a 6 year old to see almost every adult I knew crying....and all at the same time! That's what babies do! (Said my 6 year old mind). On one hand I had people telling me "it will all be ok, your sister is in Heaven and will always be watching over you". Then on the other hand I had people saying "Oh my gosh, that is so sad, shes gone, I'm so sorry, how do you go on?" As I walked up to the casket I see my sister laying in it, cold, lifeless, yet looking completely at ease...for once, she looked relaxed. She didn't have needles in her arms, tubes in her nose, oxygen tanks around her, no scary, noisy machines connected to her...she was at peace...I stood there feeling empty, relieved, sad, confused, and scared. I felt like my childhood was OVER.

How did that make you act?:

After Winkie passed away I remember walking around school just watching and observing other kids play and have fun; and thinking "man, these kids don't even understand WHY they are having fun, they don't even realize that there is such a thing as death, sorrow, suffering, a deeper root of anger, there is more to life then just playing school-yard games ."At that point I checked-out of life completely, school wasn't important, grades were just a letter on a piece of paper, playing games with other kids wasn't important, doing kid things wasn't applicable to me anymore, I didn't really speak to any other kids for about a full year, nothing mattered to me anymore.

Once I broke out of my shell I then began too look up to gangsters at my school. They had the coolest clothes, the hottest girls, cool weapons, nice bikes, cool hair styles, cool ways of speaking, respect; just everything about it was cool, and I wanted that! That's the first place I had felt comfortable in a long time.

What was the outcome of that?:

I was a good kid but had turned into a little bit of a bad influence for some of my friends. I was around guns, drugs, car-jackings and gangs in the 4th grade. I was put in a lot of bad situations that I am lucky to have made it through. I have been in fights, been shot at, almost been shot by the police, I have friends who have been shot, stabbed, raped, murdered. Also friends who were the victims of police brutality.

As I grew up there would be months and years where some of my closest friends would be locked up in jail, it was so lonely without my boys! I ended up getting my house raided by the SWAT Team because the people I was hanging around were up to no good and I was a suspect in a murder case (that I had absolutely nothing to do with). They came up empty handed, but the shame I brought upon myself and to my family was horrendous....how does a 17 year old explain to his family that he's a suspect in a murder case? And that "I had nothing to do with it"....yet more then 6 agents bust into my house with assault riffles and awaken us. 

When I turned 20, two of my best friends were murdered several months apart from each other. At this point is when I really realized I had some growing up and reevaluating of my life to do! 

What was the lesson you/your family took from the whole experience and why are you  better now for having gone through this experience?:

After surviving all these experiences, going through all the hard times, enduring the hardships of an adult as a child, it all ultimately brought our family closer; it taught us to appreciate one and other. No matter how innocent or young you are, life is limited. My family is blessed to have had my healthy, handsome, courageous, hilarious little brother Alrik who I call "Chimps", he was born two years after my little sister passed. He is now 19 years old and has a very bright future ahead of him! I love the kid more then anything!! 

We are all better for having gone through these tough times, it taught us the value of  life. Because of this it inspired my mom "Judo" and I to create a swim school designed with the focus of survival swimming for infants and young children (as well as help people of any age, young to elderly,overcome their fear of the water and leave them with valuable {fun} life saving skills!) This allows our infants to be empowered by having life saving skills before they are even able to speak! It's miraculous!! We have been fortunate enough to have multiple children fall into the water, come up for air, float, breathe, maintain breath control then (if the child is able to walk) swim to the edge of the pool, seeing them be able to save their own life's based off of what we had taught them with the specialized swim techniques we teach is very rewarding! I can hardly even call it a "job"! Chimps has also been trained to teach these skills, though he is currently working and going to college! Our dad "FatherBird", is a Union Representative and saves thousands of people's jobs who have been treated poorly at their work place. He is also starting a healthy eating/lifestyle Internet book  to promote living a healthy lifestyle.

I could go on forever about how awesome my family is! Although it wasn't always so happy-go-lucky...I grew up poor along with my parents for a while, we went from being worried about a meal and staying alive, to helping others. Once we started helping others is when everything else started falling into place! We are blessed to be able to share and help our communities and people around us! Our hardships began to turn into lessons on how to help others! 

Inspiring words for others dealing with this situation:

Keep looking forward! You never know what's going to come your way! Do not dwell on the past. I had gone through thoughts of suicide, been through major depression, and thought I could not make it any further in life, for a long time I believed I wouldn't even live to see the age of 21!! I proved myself wrong and now I'm actually doing GOOD in and for my community! I save lives, provide fun in my community, and I am able to understand those who are often judged and written-off right off the bat. Due to the struggle I am able to understand a whole array of people from drug users,  gangsters, cops, nerds, business minded people, ect. Your struggles  are what keep you going, embrace it, keep your head up, and like my parents taught me, do everything life has to offer! Always stay learning! My favorite quote "if you're not teaching, you should be learning...if you're not learning you should be teaching, although teaching still involves learning" it's going to be a bumpy road, but like they say "bad roads bring good people" this applies to off-roading as well life! I now live a very happy and fulfilled life that I wake up every day excited to start my day! Love yourself, and love your family and friends! You ARE special, you DO have an opinion, you DO have a voice worthy of hearing, you ARE beautiful, be yourself and spread the love!! 

Final Thoughts:

For me, books, counseling, therapy...never helped. It made me feel like I had a problem and that something was wrong with me....really there was nothing wrong with me! I was just a 6 year old kid going through mourning and believing I was taking on the life of an adult...what really helped was being loved and being able to love others (even when I didn't see it)...staying social is one of the greatest things you can do when going through a time of grief, some are uninformed and may accidentally bring you down with certain words but really they mean well (they just haven't gone through what you've gone through and are trying their best!) that's totally fine, they are perfect they way they are, accept it and accept them, most importantly you are perfect how you are!!! Find your inner child's spirit and bring that to the table, your pure enthusiasm goes a long way!! And it's motivating! 

I would like to thank all my awesome family and friends for your endless love and support, those close to me who have passed for teaching me the true value of life, and those who never believed in me, it only motivated me! Also a special thank you to Landmark Education, you guys helped my family and all my relationships tremendously, I recommend everybody check out their education, it's one of the best things anyone can do for themselves, their friends, coworkers, community,  spouses, and family members! 

R.I.P.

Katalina "Winkie" Kylee Heather Tom

Grandma Taylor

Aunt Kareen

Dorothy Haywood (my 2nd mom)

John-John "Okay USA"  O'day

Pablo "Spidy, Puves, OG Spider" Tafolla

Nia Coleman

Warner "Money" Prenters

Uncle Hoybach

Great grand parents

Terrell "Big Booty" Blake

Scott "the big white guy"

Manny Alvarez

And to those I didn't mention

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, I will be posting more stories as they come, I also want to hear your your inspiring stories! Lets all make a difference together! Please post or email me at Forwinkie@gmail.com. Please send your story under the context of:

Name:

Age:

Home town:

Current city:

Hobbies:

Occupation:

1.) The Story:

2.) How did that make you feel?:

3.) How did it make you act?:

4.) What was the outcome of that?:

5.) What was the lesson you/your family took from the whole experience and why are you  better now for having gone through this experience?:

6.) Inspiring words for others dealing with this situation:

7.) Final thoughts:

If you were left moved, touched, inspired, please share! You could save a life!